At Blended I am firmly committed to growing and investing in our families as a whole – adoptive and bio kids together.
In certain seasons of life it can seem that adoption milestones and issues take much of my mental steam. I process, prepare, gather resources, invest, and press on toward what is coming next down the adoption pipeline. Does that resonate with you? During these heavy lifting times I have to intentionally make mental room to attend to my other kids’ needs and their milestones. I often remind myself that our biological children did not choose this life, but nonetheless it is the life we live together and they are affected. Remembering that they are affected and taking time to acknowledge that truth together is much of the battle.
Recently I have been reflecting on ways to help my bio kids process their own experiences of living in a Blended family as well as finding key ways to care and love them individually. Some ideas seem too obvious to list, but I listed them anyway to help us concretely plan one-to-one time with them. Here they are in no specific order:
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Plan specific time with them in which they choose the activity (even if you think you may be bored).
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Write a little love note for their lunchbox today and affirm their character.
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Encourage them today by noticing something they did without asking and thanking them (in my house it can be as simple as feeding the cat without being asked – aim low and the payoff is big).
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Go on a walk just with them and listen.
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Ask them about their dreams last night (at times this is the venue I spot anxiety or confusion).
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Ask them how their friendships at school are going.
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Clean/organize their room as a special treat for them (if they won’t freak out) and when done place some flowers on their dresser or bedside table with a card that communicates your affection for who they are.
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Make something together – cooking, sewing, art, or handiwork.
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Ask about experiences related to adoption lately (you might be surprised that they are dealing with situations at school and you may not know).
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Hugs, kisses, and lots of love. {Duh}
My mantra is ‘Simple things go far.’ Often I find, based on what we are dealing with as a family my bio kids are sometimes feeling big things I am unaware of. Sometimes they have been asked a question about adoption or race because a friend {or adult as was the case recently} saw them with their sibling for the first time. Whatever the case let’s remember to come alongside our bio kids and support them in processing what it means to be a Blended Family – purposefully and with great compassion.