My Recipe for a Happy Halloween (Beware, You Might Not Like It)

pumpkin 2

Creepy, crawly, horror, scary, gross, and an excuse for an inappropriate Halloween? Nope. No thank you. That’s not for me. I think I actually turned that literal corner back when I was a third grader crawling through a friend’s ‘haunted house’ they created on their front porch. After rounding a particular sharp corner I was met with the eyes of a witch (yes, it was her older sister, but who was to know that?). She was absolutely terrifying and this witch¬†made me plunge my hand into something slimy, cold, and stringy (yes, it was spaghetti, but the nine-year-old terror-stricken me didn’t realize and was not thinking logically). Horrifying. I’m still reeling. Recently I dared again to try the Haunted House ride at Disneyland with my then six-year-old niece. I still to this day could NOT tell you who was more afraid. See what I mean?

So then, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that funny, creative, happy, fun, wacky, appropriate costuming Halloween is for me. (This might not be the Halloween page you had hoped for.) In the past few years my family has changed a few things about our Halloween that make me, for one, even happier. Some changes have been more difficult than others, but I think we have turned a corner this year and all my kids seem enthralled by my insistence that we have a funny, creative, happy, fun, wacky, appropriate costuming Halloween.

Here’s my checklist for those kiddos of mine as they prepare for this upcoming occasion:

  • Choose your costume by midnight September 30th. The deadline is firm. From November 1st through September 30th feel free to change your mind, reconsider, spitball and reboot. At 12:01am on October 1st whatever you uttered as the costume of your heart’s desire is now uploaded and non-voidable. Don’t like it? Complain to Grandma (she’s the one with endless compassion, not me).
  • Figure out how to make your own costume. As owners of a hot glue gun, sewing machine, paint and tin foil, the options are endless. Endless. No, you will not have the $89.99 costume of your dreams, but you have 30 days to make something fabulous (or to just make something). Now get to it. If at first you don’t succeed, call Grandma, she’ll know what to do.
  • Humiliated by the potential of pretzels and/or Play-Doh I may hand out to your friends at the door because of my ethical sensitivity to not traffic children on the Ivory Coast for your bite sized favorite chocolate treat? Research and find other enjoyable options that will not induce the blood to beeline to your face upon opening the door to your trick-or-treating friends. Here are some GREAT options.
  • Eat dinner before you trick-or-treat. Dinner. Before Candy. Here, I’ll make it fun.
Mummies

Mummies

Bat Wings

Bat Wings

Monster Salad and Eyeball Jello

Monster Salad and Eyeball Jello

Bite Them Before They Bite You

Bite Them Before They Bite You

  • Hmmmm…I’m realizing that my food may be on the outlawed creepy side.
  • And finally, after you trick-or-treat bring all your candy home for inspection before you eat ANY. Seriously, for inspection. I mean it, or Dad will eat all your candy. Then, you can call Grandma.

Enjoy your safe, funny, creative, happy, fun, wacky, appropriate costuming Halloween! And per chance if you happen to run into Princess Leia from the Forest Moon of Endor, a Firefly, and Superman wandering around together, well, feel free to compliment them on creative homemade costumes Рbut do let me know if they are violating their strict pre-inspection candy rule, their father would want to know.

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